Living large
The new Mercedes-Benz GLS is humongous and costs as much as a house. Who buys this kind of car and what do they use it for?
The GLS I’m driving idles on the rim of a rock quarry like a tank readied for battle, although its luxurious paintwork twinkling in the sun is certainly not something you’d find on a war machine.“You want me to do what?†I ask the off-road instructor when he points to a mud puddle. He tells me to go through it then drive up a steep incline, over a pile of rocks, and go around a thicket of thorn trees.
I do so timidly. I don’t doubt the GLS’s off-road capabilities â€" it will manage just fine â€" I’m worried that I might ruin that gorgeous p aintwork.
It’s a fair point. Who on earth would actually take the S-Class of SUVs off-road? I imagine an alternate reality where Hugh Hefner â€" owner of several Mercs over the years â€" sold Playboy magazine, patched things up with his first wife, loaded their kids and dogs into the back of a GLS and went on a grand adventure.
I can see The Heff wearing his captain’s hat, pipe dangling from his mouth, cackling maniacally through gritted teeth as he dirties this very expensive car with gusto.
The interior? Saying that this mammoth Merc is richly appointed is like saying the Playboy Mansion has a nice pool. There are a dizzying array of buttons and control interfaces throughout the interior.
I like technology as much as the next guy â€" probably a bit more â€" but even I felt a bit lost navigating the complicated menu on the display screen.
Indeed, t he interior is an extravaganza and Mercedes-Benz makes no apology for it. The sheer quantity of leather and wood will motivate vegetarians and environmentalists to toyi-toyi in your driveway.
And yet the GLS isn’t excessive for the sake of it. Underneath all that glitz and glamour is a practical SUV with seven seats that actually seat seven people.
The luggage space is generous even with all three rows occupied, the ergonomics are thoughtful and safety features abound.
The exterior? This car is gargantuan. You’ll have limited options when it comes to finding a parking spot, but fortunately the big windows provide excellent visibility.
The GLS retains much of the preceding GL-Class’s appearance â€" especially around the rear â€" but the front end looks different with bigger air-scoops and a bolder grille.
What’s the ride like? The GLS 500 has two turbochargers bolted to its V8 engine, so it comes as a bit of a surprise that it doesn’t leap forth when you put the pedal to the metal. Rather, it proceeds at a dignified clip.
The same is true for the GLS 350 V6 diesel. The turbos appear to be there to help the engines meet emissions standards and improve fuel economy, rather than to provide blistering performance.
Gear shifts are done adeptly through an old-school torque converter, as opposed t o one of those newfangled dual clutches, which somehow feels appropriate in this Mercedes.
Off-road, the GLS is a gem, although I cringe at the thought of actually taking it into the rough stuff. It might be able to traverse continents with its low-range gearbox and lockable differentials, but the idea of a Namibian sandstorm blasting the doors sends a chill down my spine.
Verdict? If you don’t plan to use the third row of seats, you’ll get more useable luggage space from a less expensive Volvo XC90 or a Volkswagen Touareg. If style is what you’re after then Range Rover has the edge.
If it’s about off-road ability, you could save yourself a packe t by considering the Toyota Land Cruiser 200, and if you crave attention then the Lexus LX and Infinity QX are far more conspicuous.
I gravitate toward the 350d even though it’s quite thirsty for a diesel, especially when compared to the Volvo XC90 D5, but it’s the most sane choice of the three GLS models.
Extroverts should totally go with the AMG â€" it’s what Hugh Hefner would choose. No doubt about that.
| VITAL STATISTICS | GLS 350d | GLS 500 |
| Engine | 2 987 cc V6 turbo-diesel | 4 663 cc V8 biturbo-petrol |
| Power | 190 kW @ 3 400 rpm | 335 kW @ 5250 rpm |
| Torque | 620 Nm @ 1 600 rpm | 700 Nm @ 1 800 rpm |
| 0 â€" 100 km/h | 7,8 seconds | 5,3 seconds |
| Top speed | 222 km/h | 250 km/h |
| Fuel consumption (claimed) | 8 â„"/100 km | 11,5 â„"/100 km |
| Tank | 100 â„" | 100 â„" |
| Drive type | All-wheel drive | All-wheel drive |
| Ground clearance | 215 mm | 215 mm |
| Towing weight | 750 kg (3 500 kg braked) | 750 kg (3 500 kg braked) |
| Luggage capacity | 680 â„" (2 300 â„" seats down) | 680 â„" (2 300 â„" seats down) |
| Warranty | 2 years/unlimited km | 2 years/unlimited km |
| Service pla n | 6 years/100 000 km | 6 years/100 000 km |
| Price (December 2016) | R1 283 900 | R1 444 400 |
